French Jokes

Old Lady

Shujiko

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The old lady thinks, "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert."

The blonde thinks, "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him."

The Frenchman thinks, "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake."

The Englishman thinks, "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again."

2

Puns

Anonymous

After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie

INS

Anonymous

Why do heterosexual men and women that are married in france only perform anilingus on each other in their bedrooms? anal sex and oral sex is against the law in france

0

School

TheBestFrenchJokes

English: Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no. Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?” “Under my bench,” he replies.

French: Toto est à l’école et demande s’il peut aller au salle de bain. La maîtresse dit non. Puis, elle demande à Toto, “Où est le plus grand riviere du monde ?” “Sous mon banc,” il répond.

Aunt

Charlidamelio

What do you call your angry french aunt

A crossaunt

Adult

Anonymous

Why did the United Nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public? because the french government was using the guillotine in public on new born baby boys for circumcision

Animal

Anonymous

Why do the French eat snails? -- They don't like fast food.

German

Lily

A German went to France for holiday and here is the scene, French border staff: Occupation? German: No, no, no, just visiting.

6

French Fries

Daniel King

What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

5

INS

Christa

Where does a French cat live? -in Purr-is OR -in the Catacombs OR -in a chat-eau

American

Anonymous

How do you sink an American battleship?

Have the French build it

School

Anonymous

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up and I'll see you on Monday

Baby

Anonymous

Why did the united nations stop the french government from using the guillotine in public? Because the french government was using the guillotine on new born babies for circumcision.

Scream

TheBestFrenchJokes

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre.Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée !”

Fell

Amazing Grace

What would you call the Eiffel Tower if it falls over? The I Fell Tower!

Wait

In the cute fantasies: Est-ce que tu manges du poulet ? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN !!!!! In reality: Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!

Doctor

Anonymous

Why should you never tell your french doctor that you bite your tongue? because your french doctor will give you a tetanus shot

Race

Anonymous

So two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river. One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. Un Deux Trois Cat was nowhere to be seen. So One Two Three Cat figured that Un Deux Trois Cat sank.

Bad

Cr8zygamer10

I asked a French man if he played videogames, and he said, "Wii!"

French Fries

Daniel King

Where were the first French Fries 🍟 made?

In Greece.