Language jokes

Why don’t Asians use phones?

Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!

A pun enters the room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

What did the Asian people name their retarded son?

Sum Ting Wong.

wo(man) fe(male) we(men)

dishwash(her)

I am only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.

I don't know why.

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

Justin: Hey.

Josh: Hey man.

Justin: Why only "man"?

Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.

Justin: I don't mind.

Josh: Okay, S L A V E.

Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!

How can you make a woman scream your name when you have sex with her?

Change your name to "Rape."

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

Knock knock.

"Who's there?"

Boo.

"Boo who?"

It's just a joke, no need to cry!

Why do they call it emotion when the root word is emo, but emos don't show emotion?

If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

Why were there so many victims in the Grenfell flat fire disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.

Ligma balls!

Did you know that the "f" in "orphans" means family?

The F in orphan stands for family.

Wait, there is no F. (F)

Person: Why? You: No.