Threat

Threat Jokes

Day

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.

Gun

Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!

Phone

So, I was on the phone with a scam caller. He said he knew where I lived and would kill my children and wife. Jokes on him, I already did.

Rapist

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

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  • Quiet Kid

    When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

    Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

    Penaldo

    I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

    Shotgun

    My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

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  • Duck

    A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

    Jesus

    Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

    Kid

    Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

    Suicide

    When someone tells me to kill myself,

    Panic! At The Disco: Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time.

    Sibling

    This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

    I wonder where the bodies are?

    Song

    Guess what song this is from:

    "I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,

    Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,

    Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.

    I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."

    Ball

    Roses are red, violets are blue, I have no balls, neither will you. ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช

    Wife

    My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.

    Mom

    My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

    School Shooter

    Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."

    Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."

    Classroom: *visible panic*

    Infidelity

    A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."