What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?
"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What did the Indian cheese say to the other cheese?
"Tu cheese badi hai mast mast!"
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40.”
So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.
One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Owl say.
Owl say who?
Yes, they do.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
Why is every number scared of 7?
Because 7 "ate" 9.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
A single sentence walks into a bar.
Who is Joe?
You reply back: Who is Candice?
They reply back: Who is Candice?
You say: "Candice nuts fit into Joe Mama's mouth."
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
What are the 3 shortest words in the English language?
“Is It In?”
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
