Kick jokes
Yo momma so dumb, she got kicked off the short bus.
Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.
Little Johnny comes down for breakfast because he lives on a farm, and his mother asks if he has done his chores or not.
"Not yet," says little Johnny, so he goes to feed the chickens, cows, and pigs. He ends up kicking the chickens, cows, and pigs and goes inside and asks why he got a dry bowl of cereal. His mother responds with, "I saw you kick the chickens, so no eggs for a week. I also saw you kick the pigs, so no bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cows, so no milk for a week either."
Little Johnny's father comes downstairs and kicks the cats. Little Johnny looks at his mother and says, "You want to tell him, or should I?"
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
Mom: Son, did you go to school?
Son: What if I said yes?
Mom: You are in school! *slap*
Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.
Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(
Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.
Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!
Son: Good.
Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?
If you like it, please commit down.
I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.
Why did the elephant get kicked out of the public pool?
Because he kept on dropping his trunks! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.
"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.
"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"
"You getting kicked out, bro?"
"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."
"Is she one of them woke bitches?"
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.