CEO jokes

What's the difference between a CEO and licorice?

The licorice is black.

New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?

A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.

They’re always so twisted!

Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?

A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.

Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.

Probably top.

Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.

Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.

Q: What's the difference between a CEO and a beer can?

A: Beer cans don't bleed when they get shot.

CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.

Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.

Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod

The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?

A. An ambulance.

Yo mama has such a big forehead, she is the CEO of foreheads!

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.

I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.

That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.

Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.

CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.

Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.