Injury jokes
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"
What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?
He breaks his nose.
I slit my wrists.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
Why did Sally get a black eye? Because she decided to play football.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
Your forehead is so big you can jump without getting hurt.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
I'll break your bones, b*tch.
What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.