Injury jokes
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!
I slit my wrists.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
Why did Sally get a black eye? Because she decided to play football.
Your forehead is so big you can jump without getting hurt.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
"Ouch!"
"What's wrong?"
"I stepped on a screw."
"Are you ok?"
"I'm in ex-screw-ciating (excruciating) pain!"
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
What time is it when you get hit by a car? Time to die.
I'll break your bones, b*tch.
What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.