Injury jokes
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
A man walked into a bar... He got seven stitches.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.