Injury jokes

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

If I stepped on a Twix, would you get mad?

Ahhhhhhh!

Why are smurfs blue?

Because they get bruises all the time.

If you have a broken bone, do you have broken skin?

My pee pee fell off.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.

"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.

"What is it?" The doctor asks.

"I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.

". . . That's because I amputated your arms."

I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.

I want my fucking feet back!

You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?

They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?

A bullet is like an arrow.

Nothing can stop it from going through your head.

It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!

How do make an adult cry?

Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).

Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.

I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!

What's small, has no dad, and looks like Bugs Bunny?

Ben after he trips over the giant curb!

My sister was at Sixth Street and someone stepped on her toes and she bled, so she called the police! XD