Injury jokes
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
Cut.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Doberman in a playground.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
Why did Sally get a black eye?
She tried to play patty cake!
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."