Injury jokes

Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.

When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A baby chewing on a razor blade.

What's green and sits in the corner?

Same baby, one week later.

What's brown and hurts your teeth? A chocolate? No. A baseball bat in my hands.

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

- A baseball bat.

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?

An amputation.

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!

A man went to the doctor, and the doctor said, "What happened to you?"

The man replied and said, "I broke my arm in two places!"

Then the doctor replied with, "DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!"

What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?

Your mum.

I'll break your bones, b*tch.

Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?

A: Ow!

What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?

Mash potato.