Injury jokes

Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.

Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?

A: Ow!

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

My wife was run over.

My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.

You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.

"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."

What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?

Catching it with a pitchfork.

There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.