"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"
So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?
You after you disrespect me.
