There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.
What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
U die from robot bite.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
