Injury jokes
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail. "Doctor, doctor!" He cries out. "What is it?" The doctor asks. "I can't feel my legs!" The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded. ". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
Pov: your bleeding out from 5 bullets in your chest, but the robber touches the air fryer
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
A man lost his left arm.
He's all right now.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
I slit my wrists.
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion. After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma. After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"