Virus jokes
What happens when you get a virus-related sickness? It goes viral on Twitter!
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."
A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"
Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."
Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
How come the toilet paper could not make it across the road?
Because of the Corona Virus.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.
They both went extinct.
What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
I was on the Official Cristiano Ronaldo website when suddenly my Anti-Virus software showed an alert on my screen! The notification read "WARNING: FRAUD DETECTED!" I was shocked but not surprised.
Penaldo has been finished for years after all, and he often ghosts in big games.
I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
What is the American virus? Diabetes.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.