Once my friend saw my wrist, slapped it and said "I like ya cuts, G!"
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
Why shouldn't you make fun of burn victims?
Because they've already been roasted!
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.
But I can break yours today, hopefully.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
My wife was run over.
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
