Injury jokes
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
A bullet is like an arrow.
Nothing can stop it from going through your head.
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice already.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said... “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.
I want my fucking feet back!
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
My arm: "I'M GETTING RIPPED TONIGHT!"
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
Cut.
He got a paper cut and bled out.