Injury Jokes

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

A paraplegic after a house fire.

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.

None.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them. 😈😈

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

When you get injured 😢

When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?

Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!