Injury jokes

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.

What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.

I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".

Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."

Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.

Would a depressed person enjoy a cat scratch? After all, it's a free slice.

What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.

The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

What's black, blue, and red, laying in a ditch?

You after you disrespect me.