Injury jokes

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?

Because he fell off his wheelchair.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.

A man lost his left arm.

He's all right now.

I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.

Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."

What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?

The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion. After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma. After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...