What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them. ๐๐
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
1.) Whatโs yellow and canโt swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandadโs last words...
- โYouโre still holding the ladder, right?โ
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform, it's Chloroform, helps with itchy eyes. Side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM), AIDS (HIV/AIDS), Alphaviruses, Alzheimer's Disease, Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish), Arboviral Encephalitis, Arthritis, Babesiois, Cancer, Unintentional injuries, Chronic lower respiratory disease, Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases, Alzheimer's disease, Diabetes, Influenza and pneumonia.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
When you get injured ๐ข
When you get injured in America ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ๐ต๐ต๐ต๐ต๐ต๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฉ
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
