Injury jokes
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Q. What do rape victims miss?
A. Part of their brain.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.