The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
My therapist told me, "Time heals all wounds," so I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.
John Kreese's forehead broke when silver hit 'em in the forehead.
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
What did Michael Jackson say when Anne got hurt?
"♫ ANNIE, ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY, ANNIE? ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY. BUT JUST TELL US, THAT YOU'RE OKAY. ♫"
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
