What will happen if someone kick you right in the balls? You will be like ow my nuts.
Gwen: Hi sir how are you? Tj: Good... you? Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date It seems like you need one 😉! Tj: 😏. Gwen: Here this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend! Tj: Thanks but um don't you think you should be um getting in side too? Gwen: 🙁. No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁. Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later. Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Broke my toenail yesterday, I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
What do you call a injured person who doesn't wanna play a game with u? A soar loser
Why did the director have a injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
People are fighting in a war and a man gets hit 4 times in the arm and says "Tis a Scratch" And the other guy looking at him in shock says "A Scratch, Your Arm is off your body!!"
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda look like me.
What falls and never gets hurt? Rain ☔️
Why did the child drop their icecream They got hit by a bus
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl gos on stage: break a leg!
Rachel: alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
*The doctor asking why Ive broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
well what am i gonna do now...
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
A boy and his mother survived a car crash.
The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street Man in Wheelchair: * falls out of wheelchair* Friend: Are you okay? Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs
I went to the doctors yesterday I said: when I touch my back it hurts when I touch my knee it hurts when I touch anything it hurts! 😣 what’s wrong with me Doctor: you’ve broken your finger
