Injury jokes
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.
Don't break someone's heart. They only have one.
Break someone's bones. They have 206 of them.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
What do you call an injured Panera Bread?
Panera Bled.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.
When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.
The doctor said, "You're all right now."
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.