Injury jokes

A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.

When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.

My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"

A man walks in a bar. Ouchie!

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.

How to fall down the stairs:

Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.

I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."

Me and my friend have a friend that's in a wheelchair, but he is so annoying, so we throw him in a fire. Now we call him "Hot Wheels."

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?

They both have torn rotators.

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

Q. What do rape victims miss?

A. Part of their brain.

I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.

And my driver's license got revoked too.