Injury

Injury Jokes

What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"

Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

“And yer hand?” asks Marty.

“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.