My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
The shark bit me and I feet red down my legs.
My grandma stubbed her toe in an elevator on September 21st.
I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I got hit in the balls by a tennis ball.
What do you call a person with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, you told them twice.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.
AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.
L
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
