I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
Humor
Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?
So he could wake up inside.
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣
I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.
What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?
Something big and warm 🍆.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
(insert funny joke about a dick here).
Did you laugh? Be honest.
Ur face.
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
Jokes about the Twin Towers and planes usually crash and burn.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
Why can't orphans have cereal? Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
