Humor

Why do 911 jokes always fail?

They always crash and burn!

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

Jokes about the Twin Towers and planes usually crash and burn.

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

Why can't orphans have cereal? Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

Why do orphans not like July 24th??

Because it's Parents Day.

Bro, WW2 was just a joke.

You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.

How many balls do you have on your body?

2. Your butt.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.

Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

I made a joke about putting babies in the microwave and got told I was a disgusting person.

So from now on I’ll only make baby in the deep fryer jokes.

When I saw you, it instantly made me cry. LOL.

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!

“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"

"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."

"I meant the ice cream, bro..."