Humor
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
What do you get when you cross a rooster with a small dog?
A Cock-a-POODLE-Doo!
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because they thought they saw their parents. (Plot twist: the orphan got ran over.)
Why was sis afraid of seven?
Cuz 7 ate 9.
Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?
They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.
The fourth month (symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides.
That day is called "April Fool's."
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.