Humor
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
Cheesiest jokes.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Chuck Norris destroys the yo mama!
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
You've heard of anal sex.
You've heard of oral sex.
You've heard of genital sex.
But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
What is Mr. Incredible's biggest fan now called? Down Syndrome :)
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
What do you call a kid with a special sense of humor? Autism, hahaha!
Donald Trump took the bullet better than Joe Biden took the stairs.
Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.
Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?