Humor
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."
Memes
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
What's the best name for a prostitute?
SI-MOAN.
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?
Husband: No, I like after "T"!
It means: the letter "U": you!
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
Chuck Norris destroys the yo mama!
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?
Your mom sings "It's the Final Countdown" while pooping.
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"