Humor
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
I would make a 9/11 joke, but it just wouldn't land.
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?
Husband: No, I like after "T"!
It means: the letter "U": you!
You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
Memes
what the hell do i have saved on my phone and why
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
One day, he started crying out of nowhere. Everyone started crying with him.
There was a crying pandemic going around.
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
The Bigfoots had a campfire. One Bigfoot asked what should we roast next. The other replied, "Maybe a penis and a girl."
Why is the wheel the best invention?
Because it's wheely wheely great!
What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
What happens when two pieces of bread from the same loaf have sex?
They become in-bread.
1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
2. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed!
4. What has ears but cannot hear?
A cornfield!
5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
What are you going to have for a face when the baboon wants its butt back?