Humor
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
Ur face.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
Why can't orphans have cereal? Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
Me, an orphan: *laughing at orphan jokes*
Some person: Stop laughing, it's sad to laugh at your pain.
Me, an orphan: That's the funny part, what am I going to do, tell my parents?
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A cow with no front legs walking around?
Beef stroganoff.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔
Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Gf: Babe, do you love me?
Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.
Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...
Bf: Exactly.
Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.