Humor
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
My grandpa lost his toe today. 😔
Nvm, we found it. It's in his TOEtruck.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because there is nobody to call "daddy."
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Why were there two boys on the bay?
Because they were gay!
Why does an orphan only have a Samsung? Because it doesn't have a home button!
I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"
She replied, "Two or three."
Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?
Dollar a pop!
Get it?
What happens when skeletons score points in a game?
They get a bone-us.
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
So funny hahaha this is why I don't have friends :(
A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"
Why was sis afraid of seven?
Cuz 7 ate 9.