Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?” – The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
A Blonde crashed A Helicopter. A Police Officer Asked Her What Happened. She Says, “It Got Cold So I Turned Off The Fan.”
If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.
If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety
A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says “that is mother teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied”. “There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s?” Ask’s the man. Jesus answers “it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan.”
A very rich and famous comedian walked in to a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him:
- This vodka isn’t good enough for you.
- If it is good enough for you it is gudonov for me!
Paddys beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 yrs they have been married . The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex and a cool breeze may help . Being a bit of a cheapo , he decides not to buy a fan , but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act . After half an hour, still no sign of success so his mate suggests swapping places . ’ I’ll have a try Paddy , you waft the towel ' Paddy agrees , and after two or three minutes Paddys wife has a moment of sexual pleasure screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years . Paddy taps his mate Mick on teh shoulder and says ‘And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel’ !
The first windmill said to the second, “What’s your favorite type of music.” The second windmill said, " I’m a big metal fan."
Sweet victory fans: F... the NFL. They should be disbanded! Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls and the NFL was one of them
Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.
“These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells.”
“this is mother Teresa’s clock, the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied.”
“This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice.”
“Where’s Trump’s clock”
“Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan.”
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.
Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asks, "What’s your favorite type of music?" The other says, “Well…I’m a huge metal fan…”
I have a daughter she’s a fan her name is penny… fan she was born on the mountain pen y fan I adopted her because her mum fell of the cliff after birthing penny. It doesn’t matter really penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway
curiosidades de 1D
Louis: Cuando Justin Bieber hablo sobre nosotros en especial sobre Niall en una entrevista el grito “OH MY BIEBER” (Risas) Liam: Harry se riza el pelo. Niall: Harry tiene le pelo liso. Louis: No, es una peluca. Harry: Soy calvo (Risas) Niall: Aunque no lo crean, siempre leo los tweets que me mandan todas las directioners, aunque no pueda contestarlos todos Zayn: A Niall le gusta mi cuerpo. Harry: A todo el mundo le gusta tu cuerpo. Zayn: ¿Tu crees?. Harry: A mi si, y a las fans también E: ¿Cuál es la cosa más sexy sobre ti? Niall: Mis ojos. Es la única cosa que me gusta de mi cuerpo. Me siento incómodo hablando de esto. Niall: Aprendi a tocar la guitarra cuando tenia 12 años. Me la regalaron por navidades y desde entonces amo tocarla. E: ¿Cuales son sus papeles en la banda? Liam: Harry es el coqueto, Louis el desordenado, Niall el adorable y Zayn es callado. Niall: Es muy gracioso ver los tweet’s que nos envían las fans, una vez me dijeron '‘Tómale una foto a tu trasero y envíamela’' Niall: Tendríamos que grabar a Liam cuando lo maquillan. Hace muecas y respira rápido porque el maquillaje le pica. Harry: No sé que me pasó el otro día pero una chica me pidió que la firmara la mejilla, fue como "Harry no la beses, controlate" Niall: No me parecen atractivas las chicas de pasarela. Prefiero a una chica normal Harry: Lo peor que podria pasarnos seria que nos robaran el movil. Sería muy vergonzoso que vieran nuestros videos Liam: Me gustaria salir con una chica que no hablara Ingles para asi yo poder enseñarle el Idioma Niall: Me incomoda que me miren cuando estoy comiendo, ¿Que tal si quieren llevarse mi comida?.
today i explain what things are fake. serial killers, clowns, billy, fairies, your life,God,Jesus,your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I’m also gonna explain real stuff, youtube,your dad,scientists,teachers,God,Jesus, and Billy.
stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake.Alot of idiots will read this.