Humor
Your forehead is deeper than the ocean.
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
Memes
What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!