Humor
There's only 3 types of people: the ones who can count and the ones that can't.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
Memes
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What’s the difference between jelly and jam?
You can’t “jelly” it in her ass.
You’ve got something on your face. Wait, no, it’s just missing something. My dick.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"