Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
Humor
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
What do you call it when Panera Bread goes to space?
Good question.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
What’s a rapper’s favorite martial art?
Punchlines.
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What comes after 69?
Period.
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer."
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
