Humor
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
What is the most favorite coffee brand of feminists? Taster's Choice!
What do you call a Gary Dinosaur?
A mega-sore-ass.
What do you call it when you see nothing but pants? Brief psychotic disorder!
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
Memories: I have ligma.
Ligma what?
Ligma balls.
Big Dik
Why are bears' hair so sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why can't people understand these jokes?
What should I sell my dragon for?
Dragon these balls across yo face!
I don't like telling nine eleven jokes, because they always crash and burn.
How did the emo kid compliment the other emo kid? He said, "I like your cuts G."
Hey baba girl, I have balls, you know.
What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!