Humor
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
When you ask an orphan to come over:
Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"
Orphan: "Yeah, sure."
Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."
Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
Memes
(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?
No?
Well neither did she.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
This is a short joke! This short joke is long. Nice joke, Mr. Steve.
AB💿
Innit.
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ididap!
Ididapoo!!
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
If Opposition Expunged thought he was an animal, what would Thearchy be called?
Therianarchy!
What do you call a dad without a dad joke?
Dead.