Humor

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

Banana!

I don't think jokes are very funny.

What is the point of buttchins?

To catch flies.

What do you call a blind German?

A not see.

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

What comes after 69?

Period.

I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?

You pick it up off the street.

I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)

What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?

The anesthesia takes time to put you under.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

To get to the second-hand store!

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

What do you call a disabled kid who is blind?

A grape chilli bean.

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.