A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says "that is mother teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied". "There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" Ask's the man. Jesus answers "it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.
"Come on, man, give the orphans a break with these jokes."
"No, not until their parents pick them up."
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."
Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
What is an orphan's family portrait called?
A self-portrait.
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
What's the best thing about abortion jokes?
They never get old.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny? The punchline isn’t apparent.
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
What made me laugh?
The fact that my life is a joke:")
