Humor
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
What do gingers miss most at a grate party?
The invitation.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?
It might turn into ICE.
It's always the little things that make us laugh.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
Son: Dad, where are you?
Dad: Getting another one.
Son: Getting what?
Dad: Dad.
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Why do cemeteries have fences?
Because people are dying to be there.