Humor
What’s the difference between a Catholic and a rabbit?
One has kids to protect from predators, and the other has kids for predators.
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:
"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."
Yo mama so fat that when she went to the fatty competition, they said no because they didn't want professionals.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
Memes
When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.
My sister.
What is it called when you have four white people in the car?
Clear windows.
Why did Uranus say gross? Because he saw Uranus.
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
Your forehead is deeper than the ocean.
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.
Q: Where do you bury the people killed in 9/11?
A: It's already done for you.
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Craps on your organ.