Humor

Why is it easy to weigh fish?

Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

AB💿

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.

What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?

Names.

Innit.

I don't like calculator jokes because they are too overused.

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

Were you born on the streets? Because that's where most accidents happen.

Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.

This is a short joke! This short joke is long. Nice joke, Mr. Steve.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!

Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

Why couldn't the orphan have the bag of chips?

It was family size.

What's tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)