Humor
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do Shrek and onions have in common?
*LAYERS*
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Memes
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
What do you call Peg and Cat from Peg + Cat? Egg + splat.
Eggy joke for all to enjoy!
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
Why do people enjoy orphan jokes! Lol... I LOVE IT >:)
"Left, center, right, and apolitical, also skeptical, are also a joke."
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}
Me: I need a good roast.
My friend: Take me!
Why do orphans become criminals?
To know what it’s like to be wanted.
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.