Humor

Why did the chicken cross the road? He had to finish his essay, or the teacher was gonna whoop his fat butt cheeks!

"My name is Dezz."

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

What’s an orphan’s least favorite event? Their birthday!

What did one nut say to the other?

“Cashew later.”

How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?

Act like a nut.

What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?

A pistachio.

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

A friend asked what an acorn is.

I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?

This guy, yep, this guy right here.

I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!

Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.

What’s black and long?

The Chick-fil-A line.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Q: What do you call a gay cowboy?

A: A jolly rancher.