Card Jokes

Marriage

Anonymous
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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

3

Puns

Anonymous
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Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle?- cause there are cheetahs!!

5

Steak

Abhor
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A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards... The steaks were pretty high

Woman

Anonymous
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A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time?" The woman replies "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."

Virgin

darkjokelord669
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If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?

Pirate

Anonymous
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Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.

Puns

Anonymous
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My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

1

Orphan

Anonymous
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Why can't Mexicans play uno Because they take all the green cards

Puns

Anonymous
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My bank loves me.

They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

Ball

·

I kicked into someone Ball.Now i got a red Card

Orphan

Anonymous
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That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mothers day card for his mum. The second he saw it he burst out crying...

Credit

PScantron
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My credit card is more declined the the love from my dad

Wife

Daddy T
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Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

4

Poor

System
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So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’

0

Green

Anonymous
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Why do people not play uno with Mexicans... because they are always stealing the green cards

9

Bull

Anonymous
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How do you keep a bull from charging? You take its credit card away

Similarity

I'm not funny
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Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony? They are both jokers.

Bird

lapeste
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what do crows use when they get a phone? a CAWing card!

Heart

blakely bell
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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.