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Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?

A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time?" The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”

Why do people not play uno with Mexicans… because they are always stealing the green cards

Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go f... herself!”

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’

My bank loves me.

They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

My credit card is more declined the the love from my dad

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards… The steaks were pretty high

Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck.

How come Leper’s don’t play cards? Well, if they lose a couple hands…

What if some kid was like, “I’m going to shoot up the school!”, and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

what’s Hitler’s favorite yu-gi-oh card

B L U E E Y E S W H I T E D R A G O N

WHAT HAS A HEART BUT NO ORGANS

A DECK OF CARDS!!!

i am a bad punner

Why do animals hate playing card games with foxes?-They’re a bunch of cheetahs

Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?-They’re a bunch of cheetahs

if stephen hawkings had a fifa card he would have 99 dribling

IF STEPHEN HAWKINS HAD A FIFA CARD HE WOULD HAVE 99 DRIIBLE

Opponents fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.