Card jokes
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle? Because there are cheetahs!
Opponent fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
What has a heart but no organs?
A deck of cards!
I pull this card when thay talk too low
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Awww, don't cry!
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
What's Hitler's favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card?
BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON
They say the only curves Daveon likes are on his credit card statements.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag.
OK, I'm joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
Your hairline was playing Sorry!
Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.