Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave or does your mortician take it from you?

My friend can’t afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”

So I went to my friends funeral today, As we were all leaving a kid put a get well soon card next to my friends grave ‘poor kid’

Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!”

My bank loves me.

They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time?" The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards… The steaks were pretty high

Why do people not play uno with Mexicans… because they are always stealing the green cards

My credit card is more declined the the love from my dad

How come Leper’s don’t play cards? Well, if they lose a couple hands…

Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle?- cause there are cheetahs!!

what do crows use when they get a phone? a CAWing card!

Why can’t pirates play cards? Because they’re standing on the deck.

what’s Hitler’s favorite yu-gi-oh card

B L U E E Y E S W H I T E D R A G O N

Opponents fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.

Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony? They are both jokers.

what do crows get after they buy a phone? a cawing card

WHAT HAS A HEART BUT NO ORGANS

A DECK OF CARDS!!!

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i am a bad punner

According to all known laws of aviation,

there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

• Barry?
• Adam?

• Oan you believe this is happening?
• I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I’m excited.

Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B’s.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

• You got lint on your fuzz.
• Ow! That’s me!

• Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000.
• Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!