Humor

It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."

What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?

A baked potato.

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?

NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!

It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."

What kind of bees eat brains?

Zombees.

Dark jokes are like water; some people just don't get it.

When you ask an orphan to come over:

Kid: "Do you want to come over to my house?"

Orphan: "Yeah, sure."

Kid: "Ok, ask your parents—oh wait."

There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."

Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."

Priest, "How so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."

Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"

Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."

Then Matt walks out the door.

Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."

What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!

So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.

What do asses and secrets have in common?

Both are better when not leaked!

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.

What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?

A black woman dressed for church.

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off.

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!