Humor
Scan my wrist for 75% off!
What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.
What game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?
Tic-tac-toe.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To get to the real estate agent.
I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.
Memes
"DEEZ NUTS"
Bully: I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Then why are you listening?
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
Who said white people can't jump?
Look at the footage from 9/11.
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
Yo momma's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ainโt got nun left." Then he died.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel.