Humor
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.
Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.
Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
Who said white people can't jump?
Look at the footage from 9/11.
I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...
... And pulled a mussel.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.