Humor

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.

"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.

Dark humor and women are very similar...

Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.

How do people grade pedophiles?

1st grade to 8th grade.

(I know it's orphan jokes but still)

It's not incest if you're adopted.

What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.

Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.

I've tried to like all of your jokes. They are funny 😆 and joshisboss, you are awesome. Keep up the good work 👍!