Duck Jokes

Anonymous
in Bar

Duck walks Into a bar the duck says to the bartender hey bartender got any bread bartender says no then the duck says hey bartender got any bread bartender says NO duck says hey bartender got any bread bartender says no and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar duck says hey bartender got any nails bartender says no the duck says well then bartender got any bread

(Optional)
in Bar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

1
Anonymous
in Yo mama

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

3
Anonymous
in Puns

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt-quack.

Tojo
in Bartender

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says: If i can suprise you, i get a free drink. The bartender was unsure but agreed. The guy pulled up a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket and he starts to play The bartender was suprised and gave the guy a free drink The guy then sais: You see, i have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes, can i get another free drink if you get a free wish? The bartender agrees without hesitation The bartender wishes for a 1000 bucks, but he gets a 1000 ducks WTF! the man shouts. The guy answered: Did you think i wanted a 30cm long pianist

Anonymous
in Funny

A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The prostitute says that’s the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuck.

3
Zorro
in Music

How do turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill withers

Jakob
in Quack

What do you call a white duck

A quacker

Assam
in Make

Yo mamas so poor the ducks through bread at her

Anonymous
in Yo mama

Yo mama so dumb. She sold her car for gas money.~~ Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

1
Anonymous

you

I like Quackers

quack quack quack quack quack quack

Anonymous

this isnt a joke i just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia

Sans the Skeleton
in Puns

What do you call a duck on drugs A quackhead.

Anonymous

What’s is a duck favorite drink to sip on? Duck wine.

Anonymous

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

James joke master

What do you call a duck that can fix anything duck tape

James joke master

What time does a duck wake up at the quack of dawn

James joke master

Yo what quacking lacking?looking for a ducking good time?I’ve got some one lines and knee slappers that ought to fix the bill.what happens flied upside down?it quacks up.

dontask

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”

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