A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

Three men walk into a bar… you would have thought the last one would have ducked

Why do ducks have feathers?

To cover their butt-quack.

Me and my friend were duck hunting. He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled “DUCK!” then “MOTHERDUCKER!”. Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.

One man walked into a bar, a second man walked into a bar, but the third guy ducked.

Yo mama so dumb. She sold her car for gas money.~~ Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”

A swan, a goose and a penguin walked into a bar… I DUCKed.

what do a bike and a rubber duck have in common, they both have a handlebar except for the duck.

A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The prostitute says that’s the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuck.

What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common? Both are not a lamp.

What a duck’s favorite thing to smoke?

Quack

Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks

this isnt a joke i just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia

why do ducks have feathers? so you don’t see their buttquack* (crack)

Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road because he wasn’t chicken

Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn’t want to see the bill.

What do you call a duck on drugs A quackhead.

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