Humor

Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.

Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.

Roast

You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

Bully: I wasn't talking to you.

Me: Then why are you listening?

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, All the worse jokes come from you.

These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

Yo momma's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To get to the real estate agent.

What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Latias is red.

Latios is blue.

You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.

Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?

Stop imagining!

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."