Humor

What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?

A ventriloquist.

I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.

You know when people say a joke about living?

That's because we are all living a joke.

What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?

A pot-hole.

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

Yo momma's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

Bully: I wasn't talking to you.

Me: Then why are you listening?

Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.

A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.

These jokes are a little too explosive, if you ask me.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, All the worse jokes come from you.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?

Stop imagining!

Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.

Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?

Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.

Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?

They like to bone a petite.

SAVE ORPHAN JOKES! SAVE THEM!

Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?