Humor

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

What makes 9/11 an inside job?

Someone started calling it 10/7.

I thought I saw a cool sticker on my office window, then I realized it was getting bigger and bigger.

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

What is red, pink, yellow, green, orange?

A black woman dressed for church.

Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?

Because she's a woman.

What did the Pokémon say after having sex?

"My ball was sore!"

"A llahu Aks into a bar..."

And it blows up!

What did the horse say after it tripped?

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

Why did the telemarketer cross the road?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but I hope there was a car coming.

What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?

"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"

So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...

How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.

There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.

My teacher asked the class to stand up if you're dumb. No one did, so she said, "Come on, someone must be dumb," and pointed over to the left side of the classroom. Lil Jonny stands up. "Do you think you're dumb, Lil Jonny?" asked the teacher. "No, I just feel bad for you. You're the only one who stood up," replied Lil Jonny!

Do you know how diarrhea is common in families? Because it runs in your genes.

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.