Hilarious Name Shortening Options

Alright listen up, you big lug. This meme is showing off some brand new, totally messed-up ways to shorten people's names. Like, instead of 'Chris' for Christopher, you get 'Stop'. Or 'Cassandra' becomes 'Ass'. Yeah, some of 'em are pretty rude. It's just playing around with the sounds in the names to make funny, sometimes stupid, nicknames. You probably have a nickname, and I bet it's based on how often you forget where you put your keys.