Humor

Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.

Them: You're ugly.

Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.

What does a serial killer make for breakfast?

Scrambled legs and toes.

"Wanna hear a construction joke?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Wait, I'm still working on it!"

What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?

“I can na-zi.”

A young peasant coming from the field with his scythe on his shoulder notices an attractive young woman that was doing the laundry in a mountain stream, perched on some rocks near a waterfall.

The guy stops and leans against his scythe, fascinated by the young girl's beauty.

After minutes of watching her, she loses her balance, slips on a rock and falls all the way down, crushing her head on the white rocks.

Thoughtful, he puts his scythe back on his shoulder and walks away, saying to himself "Damn, another washing machine destroyed by limestone!"

What do gay horses eat?

Hay.

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

My friend told me an emo joke once, and I said, "Emo jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"

Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.

Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.

Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

I asked Michael Jackson when did he lose his virginity. He just replied with "HEHE!"

What do you call six gay men at war? Rainbow Six Siege.

What do you call a girl skeleton dancing?

A bone-étit.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

It's easy to roast beef.

If you shit in a church, is it a holy shit?

Me.

The joke is me.

There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?

Zero, they were copycats.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet. And your mom is, too.

I put the fun in dysfunctional.