Humor

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

What's the biggest problem with gravity?

It keeps putting people down.

Why did I giggle?

Because I saw the ocean's bottom.

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Pokemon: Why did the Miltank cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:

Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!

Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.

What's a chicken's deadliest day?

Friday.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Not your dad."

Then he says, "What comes after 47?"

The quiet kid says, "AK."

Your forehead is so big that it was used as a billboard.

What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?

A: Beers for Queers.

What did The Notorious B.I.G. say to the cow?

- MOO MONEY MOO PROBLEMS

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

The lady says, "Come again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."

What do you call a deer who is funny?

Diraleous.