Humor
Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
What do you call a white man sandwiched between two black men in a blue sleeping bag?
An Oreo.
The quiet kid's dad dies. You go, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Not your dad."
Then he says, "What comes after 47?"
The quiet kid says, "AK."
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:
Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!
Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.
Memes
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.
Alen vs. Predator.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
It is reported that when Churchill met Stalin at Yalta, they discussed their hobbies.
Churchill said: "I collect the jokes people tell me about me."
"That's a coincidence," said Stalin, "I collect the people who tell jokes about me."
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
What do you call a lady with a pyramid on her head?
mummy
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
Did you?
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!