Humor

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?

'Cause there are twenty of them.

Joke start.

Punchline!

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?

A bath bomb.

Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.

Orphan: How come?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Orphan: . . . .

Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?

Cause it’s a family business.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Why is it hard to break up with a Japanese girl?

Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get it.

What do you call a toy that has a story?

Toy Story.

What's the biggest joke ever? Gender equality.

Guys, stop making jokes about blind people, they might s... never mind, continue.

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!

Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?

It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.

Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.

What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.

Ligma balls!

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.