What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you. nothing
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real and if they were you would be dead.
We all know albert Einstein was a genius but his brother frank was a monster
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools Pranks
A. Pranken stein
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks
skinny deformed creature in the distance
this is not a joke but if your uncle tells you, "{ bend over, touch your toes, i'll show you were the monster goes." don't do it hehhehehehehe.
You may not rest, there are monsters nearby”
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?
