What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
alirght im gonna drink the lo- carb one to see how it compares to the normal monster. holy shit it tastes just like the original one. theres like a weird afer taste though. kinda like a sparkling water one. i love monster ive drank about 5 cans already
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.
All trucks are monster trucks if you’re afraid of trucks.
