Monster jokes

What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?

Nothing.

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.

My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.

Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

They don't have a dad to check the closet.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?

Flatman and Ribbon.

Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.

Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.

The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."

Sans: Zzzzzzzz

Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!

Sans: What is it dude?

Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!

Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??

Papyus: Grrrrr....

Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.

What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?

A. Prankenstein.

Skinny deformed creature in the distance.