Monster jokes
What's the difference between an ugly monster and you?
Nothing.
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
What do me and Monster cans have in common? A barcode.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?
They don't have a dad to check the closet.
What do you get when King Kong steps on Batman and Robin?
Flatman and Ribbon.
What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.
Yo mama so ugly she the reason why Slender Man has no eyes.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
What is a little zombie's favorite stuffed animal?
It's a deady bear.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
Do you know how a dragon is? You don't know who? It's dragging these 2-liter balls across your pathetic face and slamming it into a f*cking dumpster you regret.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
White comedy week:
Monster Truck Monday
Trailer Park Tuesday
White Trash Wednesday
Take Your Sister Out Thursday
Fox News Friday
Storm the Capitol Saturday
Say You’re Sorry Sunday
Q. What monster plays the most April Fools' pranks?
A. Prankenstein.