Humor
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.