Humor
Q: Why are school shooting jokes funny?
A: Because they're intended for a young audience.
What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?
On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.
Dwayne the Cock Johnson is the man
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
A: Cha-Ching!
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"
What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
What do you call a fart in a gay bar?
A mating call.
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"