Humor
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Memes
tehe
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!
Joke start.
Punchline!
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
None of these are jokes... they're all facts!
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.
What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!
What's the same about a newborn and a football?
You can kick them both very easily.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
What do you call a different spaghetti? An impasta!
PAPYRUS: WHAT DO YOU CALL A DIFFERENT SPAGHETTI SANS?
SANS: What?
PAPYRUS: AN IMPASTA!
SANS: Good one.