Humor

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.

Why is September 11th the best birthday?

Everyone remembers it! :)

The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

What's the biggest problem with gravity?

It keeps putting people down.

Why did I giggle?

Because I saw the ocean's bottom.