Ash jokes
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
Why did Pikachu chase Ash?
Because he wanted to Ketchum.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Ashley Home Store.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
ASH
How do you clean ash off a stove with chemicals?
Ashes to ashes, priests prefer boys, 'cause they don't have to shave their asses.
I put my uncle's ashes in my Taco Bell so he could tear my ass up one more time.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
Spaghetti-ashannaise
What appears over Ash’s head when he gets an idea?
A LightBulbasaur.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.
The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.
Me: "What are you doing??"
Bully: "Where's my nan's urn?!?"
Me: "I don't know."
Bully: "Tell me!! *says worthless shit*"
Me: "Next time you're looking for the urn, don't bother, I smoked her ashes. They were so fucking good. I then used a quarter of them as an exfoliator, cleared my acne and eczema btw!! Then built sandcastles with them, then blew them in your family's face after!"
Don't bully kids.