Humor
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂