Humor
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...
What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?
Special forces.
What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"
I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.