Humor

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

Animal jokes, eh?

Toucan play at that game.

I asked my friend what their serial number was... He said "Cheerios."

What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.

If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he forgot to plug in the charger.

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?

Friends: No, what is it?

Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.

What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?

Special forces.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

Wanna hear a joke? My life! Hahahah! Just kidding, jokes actually mean something...

Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?

I want coffee like my men.

Dark.

What do you call two redheads on Mars?

Locals.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?

A jammy cunt.