Humor
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
What do you call a basement full of SJW's?
A whine cellar.
Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.
Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?
A: Because they have the balls to.
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
The lady says, "Come again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
Do you like pudding? Pudding deez nuts in your mouth!
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Your hairline is so far gone that it looks like someone dropped a nuclear bomb on it.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!