Humor
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks funny.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?
"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
Guy: Whose place? Mine or yours?
Girl: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Yo mama so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.