Humor
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?
This guy, yep, this guy right here.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
Two atoms were walking on a street. One atom said to the other: "I'm feeling really positive today," and the other replied: "I know. I stole your electron." Then the first atom said "How Ionic."
This website!
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
"9/11" or just "7-Eleven" to a Mexican person.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
This ain't a joke, but the Twin Towers said their favorite number is 911.
What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?
It can't hit home.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
I tried to tell an Armenian genocide joke in Istanbul.
Nobody got it.
What do you call a gay scientist? Stephen Hawqueen.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Philipe Philope.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
So, one day in 3rd grade, I was making this art piece and I was talking about my friend that was a boy that I have known for 5 years. But then, the other boy at my table named Coen Jones shouted, "NO! I'M THE ONLY BOYFRIEND YOU CAN HAVE!" As soon as I heard all that, the teacher and the rest of our class was shocked while our table was just laughing their butts off, but laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair!
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.