I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Humor
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Everyone: You gotta pay the cost to be the boss.
Germans: You gotta be the caust to be the boss.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.
Why do people hate abortion jokes?
It leaves you with an empty feeling inside.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
Why are Black people getting stronger?
Because the TVs are getting bigger.
Sophia matched with a midget on Tinder.
Midget: Hey! What’s up?
Sophia: Well technically everything is, from your perspective!
A photon is checking into a hotel.
The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"
The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."
