Humor

What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."

Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."

What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?

Brain cells make up their mind.

I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?

The book has papers.

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

These are all racist. 😂

When does a skeleton laugh?

When someone tickles his funny bone!

What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?

Cinco De Mayo.

What is a blind person's favorite color?

Black.

What do you call a black comedian?

Dark Humor.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like your's belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?

“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!

Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!