Humor
Roses are red.
I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
God loved you so much that He gave you one face and started clearing off a place for another.
STOP THE FRICKING ORPHAN JOKES!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP THEM NOW! STOP THEM NOW NOW NOW N.O.W.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
Kid: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?
Me:?
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
All school meeting introductions:
Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”
Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”
High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
What do you say to a guy with Down syndrome who’s on top of a sky scraper? "Jump!"
I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
Gwen?!?!??!/1??!?!??!
Why was the Mexican scared of cold water?
It might turn into ICE.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"