Humor
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What do you call a Russian man with three balls?
'Whodya nikabollokov'
Three men walk into heaven at the same time. They all live in the same city. God asks the first man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I have a heart condition, and I've been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. Anyway, I get home from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hanging off the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guy's fingers! He falls into a bush, so I throw a refrigerator on him." God asks the next man, "How did you die?" The man says, "I was cleaning the windows, and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! Luckily, I fall safely in a bush! But then a refrigerator falls on me!" God asks the third man, and he says, "I was the one in the fridge!"
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other TIDE!!! 🤣🐙🐙
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
What happens at night in Bangladesh?
It gets Dhaka.