Humor
Teacher: This assignment is big.
Student (male): I have something that's big.
Teacher: Yeah, your forehead.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.
What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.
Boner.
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
Sans: Zzzzzzzz
Papyus: SANS WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it dude?
Papyus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
Papyus: Grrrrr....
Sans: Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Friend: How dark IS your humor?
Me: It started an organization against cops.
People keep telling me they hope Kenny never has kids.
I don't think that's a worry. His mom is much too old to get pregnant.