Humor

How do you stop a woman from choking?

Back up an inch.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

In honor of Diddy:

The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.

What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?

Dumb.

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.

What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?

Five Guys.

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?

They're both dead...

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?

A Konichiuahua.

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”