Humor
Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?
They're both dead...
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.