Humor
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.
Memes
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"