Humor
After every line, say “I’m a man.”
I went to the club. (I’m a man)
I met a girl. (I’m a man)
I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)
We got some drinks. (I’m a man)
I took her home. (I’m a man)
We got in bed. (I’m a man)
She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)
What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Fart jokes are so popular because they are real stinkers.
My friend said onions only cry, so that's why I threw a coconut at him.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
What's green and bad for your teeth?
A green brick.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery? It’s all Depends!
My friends hate when I make skeleton jokes. I guess I need to put more backbone into it.
Cancer.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I don't know, but the Twin Towers do.
A girl asked, "Can I have some nuts too?"
Boy: "Sure, what ones ;)"
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
I told this man to rev his vehicle.
Didn't know wheelchairs can't rev.
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an Englishman. He says things like,
"It's an elevator, not a lift!"
and
"It's a bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"
He keeps going on until the Englishman says,
"Hey wanker, it's a school, not a god damned shooting range."
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.