Humor

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."

Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.

Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"

Professor: "Oui oui."

Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

In honor of Diddy:

The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

Q: What is a lesbian's version of a cock block?

A: A beaver dam.