Humor

What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?

A Konichiuahua.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?

They're both dead...

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?

Five Guys.

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.

Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?

Panera dread.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.