Humor

I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.

What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?

Panera dread.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.

I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?

You get PRICKrolled.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"