Humor

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?

A: Because BB-8 it.

Ya it's bad:)

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?

A Konichiuahua.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”

Dad: “Call me George.”

What does Michael Jackson have in common with Kmart?

They're both dead...

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?

Five Guys.

I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.